That's what friends are for

As I scanned I heard "There Goes My Life" and stop to listen. Usually this song invokes tears as I think of my boys growing up and leaving home. It usually gives me pause to give thanks for the time we have together now, and reminds me to appreciate messes, wet kisses, and sticky fingers. Today it did nothing for me and I realize that I am at a peaceful place with my boys right now. As a mother I always strive to improve and be better, but gratitude for their wonderful littleness isn't something that I need to work on at the moment.

I scan again and hear broken soundbites. No single one speaks to me, but as a whole they call. Snippets from the Brewers game make me think of an old neighbor. He is the father of an old friend and he is in the hospital right now with a spinal cord injury. Brief memories of how he touched my life come to me, and I say a prayer for him and his family.

Other bits of songs invoke brief flashes of the past, and the friends who touched my life. I realize just how lucky I am. I have a wonderful family and amazing friends, and this is what is important. It's not my bank balance, but these real people who have touched me in some way that are important. Even those friends who have passed through my life, have touched my life and made me a better person. Their love helped to make me who I am now, and I can draw on the lessons learned from my friendships, past and present, to help me become a better person tomorrow.

So no, I didn't hear Dionne Warwick and friends singing "That's What Friends are For" on the radio, rather my own friends sang this to me in my heart. Singing in your heart, that is what friends are for.

Margaritaville...

As I continue driving home, I am feeling called to find a song that will talk to me. I flip through the stations (RPT Scan) on our Odyssey, and I hear Jimmy Buffet. I know it's the 'right' song. To begin with I love Jimmy Buffet. Add to that Margaritas make me happy.

Hmm, Happy. There's a word to consider. We use it these five letters a lot in our daily lives, but when you actually consider what it means, it's one of the biggest words in the English language.

Happy, Happiness. What is it? Where do you find it? What do I want to do with my life? What makes me happy?

Where money makes me happy, it sure is nice to not worry about foreclosure or food, are there careers that fulfill both your inner happiness and put food on the table? I realize with a start that I don't know the answer to this. I honestly don't know. My life has been filled working at jobs that were considered "good" and I don't know what I want to do. Living in a frantic panic about making enough to pay the bills, I've lost myself on the way.

How do you find a job that fulfills you when you don't know what you want anymore? I felt compelled to look to my personal life. What makes me happy in the other 128 hours in a week?

I'm a mother of 3 children, none of whom are older than 6, so sleep was the first thought that popped into my mind. I am fairly certain that this love of mine won't pay any bills. Though if anyone knows of a way, please let me know.

So what do I do? When I don't have to be somewhere or doing something, what do I naturally fill my time with?

I love to help people. Help someone complete a project, meet a deadline, give groceries to someone who didn't get paid, or remember lyrics to a song. That human connection, the give and take is important to me.

Travel is another one of my loves. I even studied to be a travel agent for a while. However, while paying a tidy sum to MidState Techincal College, I got a raise at Camelot Music (where I worked full time while attending school) That raise officially put me over my starting bracket for what I'd make just graduating from school as a travel agent. The fear of not making 'enough' made it easy for me to give up my dream.

Camelot, I almost forgot my days at the store we affectionately called "Scam-a-lot". Music, as you can probably tell from my blog posts has been a huge part of my life. From taping songs to the cassette on my "boom box" to my first job was at WIFC radio in Wausau. Which was pretty heady for a 16 year old, as it was the number one station in the area.

It wasn't only an ego thing, though that certainly was part of it, it was that I loved every single thing about the radio station. The smell, the sounds, the electric energy that was always around. Not to mention my friends. All of my mentors, including my favorite mentor and my first real love/crush, which ended in a broken heart. I'm still in touch with my mentor, and haven't talked to broken heart man for 16 years.

I left WIFC, for money (of course). Camelot paid more, and I picked up a part time job at a phone center to fill in the gaps. The hours didn't work for me to continue at WIFC and WIFC got dropped. Though the same joy or happiness was never found at either of those other locations.

The song ends, and I am still pondering what makes me happy, and how do I translate that into a fulfilling career. Something that honors both spirit and pocketbook.

I may need to ponder it over a margarita while listening to Jimmy. I am left as perplexed at the end of the song as I was at the beginning of the song, only now I have more memories to keep me company as I wonder, wandering back home.

Pressing RPT Scan again, I look for the next song that will speak to me...